The Art of Adult Friendships

How to nurture old bonds, create new ones, and stay connected in a busy world

There’s something few people mention when you enter the adult world: friendships change.

Since you were four years old, friendships have been built in. You had classmates, teammates, group projects, dorm floors — endless chances to meet people and connect.

Middle school brought new faces. High school deepened bonds with the people who felt like family. College stretched you to form new relationships, with systems already in place to help you find “your people” — dorm life, campus organizations, or late-night study sessions.

Then, you graduate. And suddenly, those built-in systems disappear.

There are no classrooms, no sports teams, and fewer structured ways to meet people. Maybe you’ve moved to a new city or started a job where few coworkers are in your life stage. You realize that friendships no longer just happen. You have to create them.

And that can feel really lonely.

But it’s also an opportunity — to be intentional, to seek deeper connection, and to build friendships that fit who you’re becoming.

Maintaining Old Friendships

Here’s the truth: maintaining friendships as an adult takes work. But it’s good work.

Your best friends might live down the street or halfway across the country. The key is being proactive. Reflect on what meaningful friendship looks like for you:

• Do you crave frequent connection or prefer to catch up less often, but more deeply?

• Do you need in-person time, or is virtual connection enough?

• What makes you feel seen and supported in friendship?

Once you’ve answered those questions, act on them.

If your friend lives nearby, be the one to reach out. Schedule the coffee date, the post-work walk, the Saturday brunch. Don’t wait for someone else to initiate — sometimes people just need your invitation to say yes.

If your friend lives far away, call them on your commute. Send a voice memo or a funny text that says “thinking of you.” Plan a trip or meet up when you’re both home for the holidays. Consistency matters more than perfection.

Friendship in adulthood takes intentionality, but those moments of laughter and familiarity are worth every ounce of effort. They remind you that even in seasons of change, some things — and some people — remain steady.

Two of my long-time best friends who I met before the age of 10. This was the celebration of the first of us to get married! It's been so special to celebrate all of life's moments together.

Making New Friends

Making new friends as an adult might feel intimidating, but it starts with small, simple steps.

Start with your built-in networks:

• Your workplace or professional groups

• Your neighborhood or apartment community

• Regular spaces like the gym, the park, or your favorite coffee shop

When someone feels easy to talk to — a coworker you click with, someone at the dog park, or a person in your yoga class — invite them to do something outside that shared space. Lunch, coffee, or a walk are low-pressure ways to connect.

Then, look a layer beyond your daily routines. Many cities have young professional networks, volunteer groups, book clubs, or church communities where people genuinely want to meet others.

Find a cause or hobby that interests you, as shared purpose often sparks connection.

If starting conversation feels awkward, try simple openers like:

• “How long have you lived here?”

• “What kind of work do you do?”

• “Do you have pets or family nearby?”

• “What do you like to do outside of work?”

Before long, you’ll notice patterns of commonality — shared experiences, humor, or values — that naturally deepen the relationship.

All friends that I met after moving to Kansas City as a 23 year old. They surprised me at our book club with a birthday celebration!

The Heart of Friendship

Here’s the part that matters most: friendship isn’t just about having people to hang out with. It’s about belonging.

In a world that moves fast, where loneliness has become an epidemic, true connection is a quiet act of resistance. Studies show that chronic loneliness can have the same impact on your health as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. Friendship, on the other hand, lengthens your life — and enriches it.

Friendship helps you remember who you are. It gives you a place to rest when life feels heavy and people to celebrate with when things go right.

So yes, adult friendships look different. They ebb and flow. Some fade quietly; others become deeper than you imagined. But every intentional effort to connect — every text, call, or coffee — adds up to a fuller, more connected life.

Because we’re not meant to do this alone. Connection isn’t just something nice to have; it’s essential. It’s where we find belonging, encouragement, and the comfort of knowing we’re understood.