Chasing Perfect: Why It Holds Us Back and How to Let Go

“Perfect.”

It’s a word we use almost daily:

• I’m such a perfectionist. 

• Just a few more edits and it will be perfect. 

• Oh, it’s just the perfectionist in me. 

• My boss won’t approve if it’s not perfect. 

But what if being “perfect” was actually holding us back? 

By definition, perfect means “having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be.” Sounds ideal, right? Yet this definition plants a seed of pressure—suggesting that if something isn’t flawless, it isn’t worth sharing, starting, or celebrating.

Think about it:

• The perfect filter before you can post.

• The perfect body before wearing the wedding dress.

• The perfect home before inviting friends over.

• The perfect job before admitting what you really enjoy doing.

• The perfect email before hitting send.

When we chase perfect, we shrink our world. We create impossible standards, place ourselves in boxes, and often stall our progress instead of fueling it.

So the question becomes: how do we move past perfectionism and into freedom?

4 Steps to Loosening the Grip of Perfection

Step 1: Notice Your Tendencies

Where are you hardest on yourself? Professionally? Physically? In relationships? Notice the places where your bar is set so high that progress feels unattainable.

Step 2: Reflect on the ImpactOnce you notice, pause and reflect. This could be in a journal, in your Notes app, or in a quiet moment. Ask yourself:

• What does “perfect” look like to me in this area?

• What am I afraid might happen if it’s not perfect?

• What’s one thing I’ve delayed or avoided because I was waiting for “perfect”?

Notice how you feel when you answer. Do you feel relief in naming it? Or does it highlight the weight you’ve been carrying?

Step 3: Practice Grace with a Breath PhraseGrace is the antidote to perfectionism. A practical tool

for this is a breath phrase: a short, calming sentence you repeat in your head as you breathe through those perfectionist thoughts.

Examples:

• I’ve gone to the gym four days in a row, but I can’t miss a workout. → Breath phrase: I am enough.

• This email has sat in my inbox for two days, but I’m still not ready to send it. → Breath phrase: I am qualified.

• I’d love to introduce two friends, but what if they don’t like each other? → Breath phrase: Connection is enough.

Step 4: Rinse and Repeat

Perfectionism isn’t something you conquer once. Rather, it’s a pattern you gently unlearn. Every time it shows up, return to noticing, reflecting, and offering yourself grace.

Shifting from Perfect to Free

The world tells us life should look perfect. So when it doesn’t, we feel like we’re failing. But what if instead of striving for perfect, we leaned into freedom?

Freedom to:

• Say hello to the coworker you’ve never met.

• Skip a workout without guilt.

• Not answer that email on a Saturday afternoon.

• Let the dishes sit in the sink overnight.

Perfectionism promises approval but often leaves us anxious, stalled, or dissatisfied. Choosing freedom brings something different: lightness, courage, and space to be fully you.

Because when you stop chasing perfect, you start living real. And real is where joy, satisfaction, and connection truly begin.